If books were boyfriends

J.R.R. Tolkien’s books- Love of my life.

Neil Gaiman’s books - the incredibly hot rocker I’ve been returning to every 3 months for a couple of steamy nights.

Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series- the hottie I have started fucking lately and try not to fall in love with.

Stephen King’s horror books- the hottie with a gory twist.

J.K Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series- the guy sex used to be amazing to have with, but kinda disappointed me lately.

Marion Zimmer Bradley’ s “The Mists of Avalon”- the hot medievalist lady professor I’ve recently been obsessing with.

Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road”- the elderly gentleman I admire and respect because of the tough life he’s had.

Angela Carter’s “The Bloody Chamber”- the hot folklore lady professor I’ve been obsessing with for quite some time.

Anne Rice’s “The Vampire Chronicles”- the guy I loved in high-school and thought I’d spend my lifetime with.

Anne Rice’s “The New Vampire Chronicles”- the guy I loved in high-school, broke up with, saw again after some years and fucked out of pity.

George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Fire and Ice” series- the guy who likes me and thinks he could replace the love of my life.

Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” series – the stupid guy I’ve been making fun of (but who is terribly successful with teenagers).

Nicholas Sparks’ books (pick any, they’re completely the same) – the guy who’s pretending to be sensitive to seduce stupid girls.

Dostoievsky’s books- the extremely smart guy I’ll never be able to have but will always love and admire.

Christopher Priest’s “The Prestige”- the steampunkish geek guy I had a big crush on.

Astrid Lindgren’s “Brothers Lionheart”- my playground love (who is now one of the friends I turn to when I need a smile).

Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” - my high-school boyfriend’s dad (whom I found incredibly hot).

Andrew Davidson’s “The Gargoyle” – The guy I had heard a lot of good things about, thought they were bullshit, but had the most pleasant surprise of my life when actually meeting him.

Richard Russo’s “Empire Falls”- the guy I made love to once, had the time of my life, but never did it again for fear of not being disappointed.

Phillip. K. Dick’s books – the junkie with a very interesting and cynical view on life I enjoy talking to.

Chuck Palahniuk’s “Fight Club”- the muscle-man that has a lot more to him than reaches the eye.

Ursula K. LeGuin’s “The Left Hand of Darkness”-the bisexual guy who is very nice to talk to and pleasant to go out with every now and then.

Umberto Eco’s “The Name of the Rose” – the guy whose charm I could not understand as a teenager but whom I adore now.

Salman Rushide’s “The Satanic Verses” – the guy you either love or hate. I love him with all my heart.

Hunter S. Thompson’s “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”- the junkie who pisses off the hell out of me (and whom for some weird reason everybody likes).

Frank Herbert’s “Dune”- the guy whom I once adored and still is very dear to me.

Margaret Mitchell’s “Gone with the Wind”- the perfect gentleman.