Ex-boyfriends from hell

Inspired by Dark Jade's friends typology, I decided to write this. Most of them are own experiences.

1. The best friend type

You've dated him for a while but for one reason or the other it all came to an end. The love I mean. Because then, all of a sudden or little by little, you realize you're becoming good friends. Perhaps it's because it's a person you once loved and shared things with, or perhaps it's just... I don't know what, but with time they become your best friend, the type of close, brother-like relationship you've never had before. You share their secrets and have fun together and never cease to realize you're better off as friends. That is.. until he finds someone else. From that moment on, you never talk again. Not because you find some hidden remnant of your love and became jealous. Nope, the cause for this is because he completely and utterly ignores you as if you're going to stab his newly-found girlfriend in the back. One year later, you still find yourself asking what the fuck you did wrong. 

2. The creepy stalker type

You went out with him for a couple of times, maybe even kissed once or so. And then he started becoming jealous and possessive and kept calling you every single moment when you weren't together. You dumped him, perhaps even changed your phone number but he would still go on. Phone calls in the middle of the night to tell you he's fucking some random bitch, hysteria fits when he finds out you've found someone else. And when that new relationship goes on for a long while, he falls into a deep depression and tries to "win you back" by bumping into you all of a sudden every time you're out alone. Because, of course, he wants you be friends. Right. 

3. The wolf in a sheep's skin type

You went out for a couple of times and he seemed really nice and interesting. He's seemingly interested in the same things you are and knows how to pick a good wine in the restaurant. However, the moment you say "no" to the ever-ardent problem of dudes (aka the good ol' sport in the sack), he becomes a real douche-bag and his nice, entertaining phone calls become threatening, mocking and rude altogether. And one year later, somehow, you hear someone saying he told everyone he's fucked you. Although you've only kissed twice and he was pretty bad at that, too. 

4. The marrying type

He's usually older than you and in the beginning, seems like a good pick. He's smart and funny and has a house full of good music, films and books. And he's read them all. He knows how to make a date entertaining and you usually really have a lot to learn from him. Usually had a huge love deception sometimes in his past, which he sometimes remembers but never complains about. He makes you feel safe and smart. And then, 3 months into the relationship, he takes you to meet his parents and you end up wondering why his mum calls you (jokingly, true, but still) her future daughter-in-law. You usually find out at the end of the evening, when he pops the question. And when you say no because you're still too young for that and you don't know each other too well, he gets really upset. He still calls you from time to time to tell you, in tears, how you broke his heart.

5. The refined misogynist

He's usually in the same class with you or you're co-workers. Probably older than you. He's rather witty and you love the little confrontations you guys have, because he can say smart stuff in reply. The people around you hint you've got a thing for each other and then you finally agree to go out together. It's all fine and dandy in the beginning, he can pick a good restaurant, will hold your chair and coat and will pick the perfect wine. The theater play he's chosen for later on is really good and on the way back he'll recommend you some good music. All seems perfect and you start wondering if you didn't actually begin to like him. But then he starts complaining about everything from the buses which are too-overcrowded to rock music, which he's never heard but criticizes out of principle. He'll laugh at you because you're a Lord of the Rings fan and will only read Balzac. And he dislikes women, in general. In the end, you'll leave him storming into an identity crisis and run as fast as you can.